Coping is for Big People

Having started and dropped 4 Bachelor degrees, and being on my second ‘break out of life’ period to recover from an eating disorder – one would think that I should be accustomed to the harrowing emotions of making life changing decisions. Regretfully, I have to admit that my over sensitive and ardent nature still gets the better of me, and I can be seen listening to James Blunt whilst crying into my pillow. In my defence however, I do believe that experiencing all-consuming heartache can make an emo kid out of the most hardened characters.

I am still disappointed with myself. I allowed myself to relapse into the ‘numbing the pain’ phase, and am now suffering the consequences of the proverbial broken heart and a torrent of overwhelming emotions. Denial seems to have a benevolent way of temporarily numbing the pain in this case, and only in hindsight is it a good idea to face it head on.

This scenario and the aftermath of my decision has also made me question whether I am capable of being a true adult – whatever that means – if I mentally crumble when faced with difficult times. Playing devil’s advocate (yes I have not been to therapy for a few weeks), perhaps I should think closely about the many adults there are in the world who still cannot handle the coffee being switched to decaf, let alone major break ups and intercontinental moves. Bad example, given, but maybe there is some truth in not beating myself up about being a little immature with regards to life and the sick and twisted lessons it throws our way.

I don’t deal well with the big blows; perhaps I never will, perhaps I will learn on the 10th kick from the universe, or perhaps the 50th. However, right here, right now I will just have to see myself through this pain and <insert sarcastic tone here> accept it as one of “life’s lessons”, while investing in some Doc Martens and a black trenchcoat.